Wretched, look at me, I've lost it
Melting on the table, in parking lots and markets
I can't help it, I love you like a starfish
Loves the salty water, like a selfish daughter
Swan Song
A Fine Frenzy
When it comes to grieving, don't let anyone tell you how to use your emotions to heal. Do not sensor yourself; feel what you need to feel in that moment. Most importantly, allow yourself cry. Cry hard and don't silence yourself or stop. Be unapologetic about it. Crying exists for your comfort.
When people ask you how you are, be honest with them. Tell them how you're actually doing. If you're not doing well, they will either tell you they are sorry (because they don't know how to respond) or they might offer you information which connects you to your healing. I'm usually the best at hiding my unwell emotions. I'm fairly private which is partly due to my job. I have to be in good emotional standing and focus on my client in order to connect with them. People come to me for good hair and to talk about their lives. In a sense, I've conditioned myself to not be overly open very often. Lately, I'm learning the importance of being more vulnerable and honest with my peers. In most scenarios, there's a balance to find. In this case, being too open can be exhausting for those who love you. Not being open enough causes loneliness. Thus, I'm working on my ability to lean on people when the time is right. This is after all, what humanity is for.
When people ask you how you are, be honest with them. Tell them how you're actually doing. If you're not doing well, they will either tell you they are sorry (because they don't know how to respond) or they might offer you information which connects you to your healing. I'm usually the best at hiding my unwell emotions. I'm fairly private which is partly due to my job. I have to be in good emotional standing and focus on my client in order to connect with them. People come to me for good hair and to talk about their lives. In a sense, I've conditioned myself to not be overly open very often. Lately, I'm learning the importance of being more vulnerable and honest with my peers. In most scenarios, there's a balance to find. In this case, being too open can be exhausting for those who love you. Not being open enough causes loneliness. Thus, I'm working on my ability to lean on people when the time is right. This is after all, what humanity is for.
This past week, I lost my Hali. She was my ride or die for 8 years. The best decision I ever made. And, one of the largest aspects of my 20s. I've known grief before. We lost our family pet after high school. I've lost friends, great grandparents, sentimental items, my brother-in-law. This grief.. has been different. It has left me completely vulnerable and desperate. People say losing a pet is like losing a family member. For them that may be true. For me, it's not LIKE anything. It IS losing a family member. I woke up to her every morning. When I got off work, she is who I looked forward to coming home to everyday. I fed her and provided for her needs and desires, like getting dirty outside, throwing a ball and playing tug of war with it, taking walks to sniff out bugs, watching squirrels together out the window, even giving her a companion for when I was working. In return she gave me love and joy. And, every night I kissed her goodnight. What we had filled me. I didn't have those things in another person as I'm not married and I don't have kids.
The first day I met Hali, it was unexpected. I walked in a pet store and the first thing I saw.. 4 little Scottie ears staring at me! It was the first Scottie encounter since our family Scottie had passed. Caught off guard, I immediately left the store with tears only to return in a few days. I HAD to see them again and spent time melting over Hali for the first time. I hadn't planned on getting a dog. Sure, I thought about it occasionally but never seriously. I snapped a picture, and put her back down. My friend pointed out how she was sitting in the corner of the cage where I put her looking up whining ever since I put her down. From her view she couldn't see me. It was then I knew she was meant for me!
As I had still been grieving the loss of our family Scottie, I wanted to name her something meaningful. "Halia" means "In remembrance of a loved one." She became Hali for short. She will forever be the best part of the last decade, especially her many hairdo's!
The first day I met Hali, it was unexpected. I walked in a pet store and the first thing I saw.. 4 little Scottie ears staring at me! It was the first Scottie encounter since our family Scottie had passed. Caught off guard, I immediately left the store with tears only to return in a few days. I HAD to see them again and spent time melting over Hali for the first time. I hadn't planned on getting a dog. Sure, I thought about it occasionally but never seriously. I snapped a picture, and put her back down. My friend pointed out how she was sitting in the corner of the cage where I put her looking up whining ever since I put her down. From her view she couldn't see me. It was then I knew she was meant for me!
As I had still been grieving the loss of our family Scottie, I wanted to name her something meaningful. "Halia" means "In remembrance of a loved one." She became Hali for short. She will forever be the best part of the last decade, especially her many hairdo's!
This became our best friend song a few years ago! I leave you with it..